While most of us are busy advertising our projects, beautiful families, meals and bodies. Today, I’m keeping it REAL. I’m very thankful for the blessings in my life as well but it’s OK to desire more.
I’m not talking about material things either…I’m talking about the desire to grow on a soul level. Professionally, I am satisfied but would like the opportunity to express myself creatively in other areas. That’s why I write, take pictures and study acting. Yesterday, was supposed to be the first day of class. I was recommended to move on to level 2 by my previous teacher; skipping the audition process. When I arrived, I quickly realized that I was in over my head. Students were being asked to deliver 5 minute monologues. I’ve only done improve, never memorized text before. I’m not there yet. Besides, I’m seeing this as a hobby, maybe a way to meet people as well. I’m not looking to become the next Meryl Streep!!!! Well maybe, but I’m testing the waters; learning how to swim. Clearly not ready for the Olympics.
Long story short, I left class and walked over to the park where I began to cry. It just hit me. Now what am I supposed to do with my day? My friends are married or are in relationships, have kids, moved away, some have passed, others fallen off the face of the Earth. There I was alone again trying to fill my time. I haven’t had a boyfriend in yrs, the last two guys I loved ended in heartbreak. One committing suicide and the other saw me more as a friend. He didn’t want to take it to the next level although he was practically living with me?!
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I know hard work will pay off. I have faith but I also have a cold and yesterday I had a meltdown. That said, I cried it out, took some cold medicine and off to bed. Today, I’m feeling better emotionally. Physically not great but shit still needs to get done. I emailed my acting school and I transferred into a level one class starting tomorrow.
Moral of the story is it’s ok to lose your fucking shit – let it out but then you need to move on. Dust yourself off and keep on trucking. Taking it one day at a time. Xo.